So as most of you know I have recently started working float pool at a hospital here in Charlotte and also another hospital in a small town outside of Charlotte. Its interesting.
I love it so much, I was made to do this but holy moly patients can be weird.
Let me humor you...
patient: "are you going to give me a bath?"
me: "yes but I am very busy right now so how about in 2 hours?"
patient: "whatever works, I'm just telling you that my cat stinks, how do you not smell it?"
...and she was not talking about a pet.
me: "hey mr.____ I am going to ask you a few questions since you just arrived on our floor so we can get to know you better, ok?"
patient: *blank stare*
me: "are you ok sir?"
patient: "yes, just thinking about how I would ride you like a horse"
me: *exits room and gets male nurse to take my special and very honest patient*
patient: "honey child, can you come closer? I want to tell you when the best time of the day is to get high"
me: "oh ok well I don't do drugs"
patient: "PSHH child I know you are higher than a kite" *proceeds to sing happy birthday to me and call me "precious kitty"*
...and I'M the high one?!?
I work nights and some nights around 3am (the witching hour) shit hits the fan...
I walk into a patents room because telemetry calls me and tells me he is off the heart monitor. He is totally naked, ripped out his IV, ripped off the very sticky patches that connect to the telemetry monitor and he is dancing in his bed.
me: "oh hey, um what are you doing?"
patient: "I'M STRIPPING!!!!"
me: "sir its 3:30am you need to get dressed and I need to hook you back up to everything so we can monitor you"
patient: "oh damn, its 3:30? This is NOT the hour to strip, I guess I'll go back to sleep now"
one more for y'all...
this guy had a bed alarm on, basically if he moves around too much or takes weight off the bed an alarm sounds so we can come running and prevent him from falling. His bed alarm went off every freakin 15 minutes one night. He wanted to go home and was a bit confused...
me: "sir you really need to stay in the bed, I have a few other patients to get to and then I can call you wife but for now its 3am and you need to rest"
patient: "its ok if I fall out of the bed, don't you see all this white sand? I'll just fall on the white sand."
me: "no sir, no white sand, you're in the hospital"
patient: "yes I know i'm in the hospital but I'm also on 85 going straight to the beach and the sand is just there, your sinking in it now"
...instant transfer to psych.
Thats all I have for y'all today! A good laugh is sometimes better than a cute outfit :)